Unhook & Untie w/out Getting Unhinged

logoik2Ilsa Kaye Coaching – Certified Life Coach – services provide practical & emotional support during times of transition. The strategies, techniques, & guidance she offers will enable you to cope with & navigate any changes with a positive & productive attitude, so that you can transition with confidence into the next stage of your life.

Ilsa Kaye Coaching - Certified Life Coach

ipeclogo01Ilsa Kaye is a transitions expert whose personal journey surviving cancer and divorce inspired her to support men and women throughout their own difficult life changes. With over 20 years of experience as a marriage and family therapist and certified coach, she specializes in helping her clients navigate and overcome painful transitions, so that they can become stronger and happier in their lives than before.

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“No amount of training could have ever prepared me for the challenges I’ve faced in my life so far. After 8.5 years of marriage and 2 children, It was revealed to me by my husbands attorney,…while in court, that he was gay and living in a committed same sex relationship while married to me! What followed was an ugly, seemingly endless battle over custody and money, which culminated with my being diagnosed with stage 3a colon cancer and lymes disease ten years later.

At the time I was terrified about the future and traumatized by the unexpected chain of events – but looking back there was an enormous silver lining. These challenges, while painful and traumatic eventually gave me the gift of a perspective. These experiences are now used to provide others who are dealing with excruciating, life-altering events, the support and guidance you need to gain new ground and perspective.

Today, Ilsa is cancer-free, her divorce is a painful memory, but she is relieved to not be living a life of toxic secrets and lies and the abuse that comes with that. Her focus is now about leveraging the wealth of her two decades of experiences that she has amassed as a therapist and transitions coach. Her deeply personal life experiences can help guide others to overcome their most difficult situations imaginable, so that they can fully welcome their new life waiting.

How can coaching help me?

No matter what transition you’re currently experiencing, you can benefit from being coached through it. Even a welcomed change like marriage can cause physical, spiritual, and emotional challenges, and the right coach can help you deal with these issues in a healthy and productive way. With that said, some of the most common transitions Ilsa’s clients receive coaching around include:
logoik2Leaving your career to take care of your family
logoik2Getting married, divorced, or remarried
logoik2Receiving a serious or terminal diagnosis
logoik2Adjusting to being single and dating
logoik2Living with someone who is ill
logoik2Re-entering the workforce
logoik2Re-entering the workforce
logoik2Discovering an affair
logoik2Loss
Depending on the specific transition you’re facing, private coaching with Ilsa can move you out of self-doubt and worry, and into a place of fearlessness, mindfulness, and joy. Throughout the coaching process, she’ll focus on putting you back in the driver’s seat, so you can feel more in control of your own life. In the end, you’ll rebuild your strength, learn healthy strategies to deal with negative emotions, and navigate this transition with courage, moving confidently towards an exciting new future.
Ilsa’s one-of-a-kind coaching program is known among her clients for delivering unwavering support and creating sustainable, lasting change. It will provide you with the tools, strategies, and guidance you need to make smart decisions in the face of seemingly insurmountable obstacles, strengthen your emotional and mental wellbeing, and move on from difficult periods in your life with as much grace as possible.
Read More About Ilsa's Coaching Program.

Ilsa’s coaching provides helpful information that gives you the ability to recover from adversity by increasing your resilience.

Some of us are born with a natural ability to thwart off adversity and bounce back after major stress, while others crumble under the pressure. Fortunately for those of us who falter during difficult times, it is possible to learn new tools and coping strategies. Contrary to popular belief, resilience isn’t a trait that you either have or you don’t. Rather, it’s a series of thoughts, actions, and behaviors that anyone can learn, no matter how well (or poorly) you currently manage your emotional response to challenging situations.

Before you can start building your resilience, you first need to know what this trait actually looks like in action. Exhibiting resilience doesn’t mean you get to avoid substantial suffering or distress. You will always feel sadness and pain in response to a major trauma, no matter how resilient you are. But just knowing you can be resilient, can change the way you respond to these situations, which can in turn influence not only how you feel, but also how you choose to move forward. With that said, here are 6 ways you can begin building your resilience back after adversity:

1. Connect with other people. Resilient individuals have strong relationships with their family and/or friends. Resilient people turn to others for support, and they know that simply talking to others about challenging situations can improve their outlook and reveal solutions that they had overlooked.

2. Remain as actively engaged in your life as you can. After adversity, it’s tempting to crawl into bed, close the shades, and shut out the world – which is a normal,response to severe adversity and trauma, however… resilient people do not usually participate in that kind of behavior or response for too terribly long. If you do, you may need psychological help and pharmacological. Resilient people remain active in their life, stay physically, intellectually, and emotionally engaged with the world around them to reclaim a sense of purpose and hope.

3. Give back. When you’re feeling beaten down by your circumstances and begin to,succumb to a feeling of helplessness, look for opportunities to support those around you who are suffering instead. Volunteer your time or donate financially to a worthy cause. Doing so will pull you out of your own turmoil and remind you about all of the positive aspects of your life. It puts your life in perspective.

4. Maintain your perspective. No matter how large it seems, no problem is insurmountable. Every challenge has a solution and you will eventually move beyond the insurmountable. You may not be able to stop stressful events from occurring, but maintaining your perspective, trying to be in the here and now as well as visualizing and manifesting a positive future can remind you that things will get better.

5. Be decisive about how you want your future to look. Resilient people act in the face of adversity, try not to avoid problems and bury your head in the sand. Instead, face yourself, your fears and desires to make conscious and smart decisions about your future. Always move forward even if your fearful of getting stuck and experiencing more pain.

6. Try to Stay positive and look for ways to learn from your experience. Try to trust and respect yourself, no matter how bad your situation seems. If you’re having trouble with this step, try looking back on other challenging experiences you’ve overcome in the past and identify your big takeaway. What did you learn? How did that problem influence the person you’ve become? Doing so will remind you of how you’ve survived, and that is key to developing your resilience.

At the time I was terrified about the future and traumatized by the unexpected chain of events – but looking back there was an enormous silver lining. These challenges, while painful and traumatic eventually gave me the gift of a perspective. These experiences are now used to provide others who are dealing with excruciating, life-altering events, the support and guidance you need to gain new ground and perspective.

Today, Ilsa is cancer-free, her divorce is a painful memory, but she is relieved to not be living a life of toxic secrets and lies and the abuse that comes with that. Her focus is now about leveraging the wealth of her two decades of experiences that she has amassed as a therapist and transitions coach. Her deeply personal life experiences can help guide others to overcome their most difficult situations imaginable, so that they can fully welcome their new life waiting.

TRY TO REMEMBER, DENIAL IS NOT YOUR FRIEND.

Coaching is an investment in your emotional health, overall wellbeing, and future happiness. If you have any questions about Ilsa’s coaching programs, please don’t hesitate to contact us today and we will happily provide any guidance you may need.

logoik2Silver Private Coaching Program One-Month Commitment
4 x 30-minute session – $100
4 x 60-minute session – $175

Silver Packages – 1 Month

logoik2Gold Private Coaching Program Two-Month Commitment
4 x 30-minute session – $90
4 x 60-minute session – $160

Gold Packages – 2 Months

logoik2Platinum Private Coaching Program
Three-Month Commitment
4 x 30-minute session – $70
4 x 60-minute session – $140

Platinum Packages – 3 Months


Click here to download your new client forms (Coaching Contract and Waiver of Liability). Once completed, please email them to ilsakaye.m.a@ilsakayecoaching.com
The Effects of Stress on the Body and Mind

Stress is something that we generally accept as a normal part of everyday life, but have you ever taken the time to really think about what it’s doing to your mind and body? If so, you know it’s not a pretty picture.

The kind of stress that develops after a major trauma, loss, or personal crisis takes a heavy toll on your overall wellbeing. It can cause both physical and emotional symptoms, including anger, stomach issues, headaches, and apathy. It releases the hormone cortisol into your body and, if left unchecked, has been linked to cancer, heart attacks, and other negative health outcomes.

In addition, ongoing stress often leads to negativity – which can have a profound impact on your quality of life and relationships. Some research shows that repetitive, self-focused, and ruminative thoughts can enhance negative and biased thinking and impair your problem-solving skills. A negative mood can affect your relationships with friends, colleagues, loved ones, and children. It can block your ability to motivate yourself, increase feelings of helplessness, and interfere with cognitive abilities.

Now, it’s important to remember that there’s a huge difference between being temporarily depressed after a trauma or loss, and not being able to move on from the experience. The former is a normal response to grief, while the latter indicates a deeper problem that needs to be resolved with some kind of spiritual or mental heath professional. If you’re unable to separate from near constant stress and negativity, and you feel your health is suffering as a result, it may be time to seek support from a therapist or coach who can help you:

–    Learn healthier strategies to cope with stress, trauma, and loss

–    Let go of old, negative thoughts and embrace a positive perspective

–    Motivate yourself to create the life you want to lead

–    Let go of negative past experiences

Remember that we all have the ability to change course and direction. No matter how much trauma you’ve suffered, or how long you’ve been stressed out and overwhelmed, you can learn healthier coping strategies. It may take considerable effort, work, and commitment on your part, but with the right support it is possible to move into a healthier, calmer, and more positive place.

Everything You Need to Know About Surviving an Affair

An affair is the single most traumatic experience that can happen to a marriage. It permanently changes everything – including each partner. Once it’s revealed, there’s no turning back, and you each need to decide how you want to proceed – either separately or together.

If you decide to stay together after an affair, know that a lot of work and self-reflection will be necessary, on both of your parts. Rebuilding trust is no easy task, but couples who choose to re-invest in the marriage and explore what went wrong have a very strong chance of healing together and creating a better, stronger, and more loving partnership in the long run.

So, how do you begin to heal? First,  you have to confront the tough stuff. Work with a coach or therapist to figure out why the infidelity occurred and what you can do now to forgive, rebuild the trust, and move forward with love. From there, you will need to learn how to overcome the very real fear that your partner will betray you again in the future.

Conversely, some couples choose to end the marriage after an affair. They may make this decision for a number of reasons, including:

–    One or both of you can’t move on

–    The affair was the last straw in a series of violations

–    The partner who cheated is gay and coming out of the closet

–    The betrayed partner is too anxious, worried, and hurt to stay in the marriage

–    The partner who cheated doesn’t want to apologize or deal with suspicions anymore

In all of the above cases, you and your partner may decide that the best course of action for everyone involved is to end the relationship with love. However, ending a marriage when one partner was betrayed is never easy, and this will also require a long road towards growth and forgiveness for both parties.

** Of special note and difficulty for straight spouses has to do with how disclosure is handled. There is an added layer of complexity when a partner is changing their sexual preference and identity. How a betraying partner, the person who has the affair discloses the truth is of key importance to resurrecting trust, love and faith irregardless of the outcome. It is a measure of a persons decency, honesty and integrity.

The bottom line is this: Whether you choose to stay together or separate, surviving an affair requires the guidance of an experienced coach or therapist who specializes in these matters. You’ll both need support and very specific tools and strategies to overcome this experience in a healthy way, especially if children are involved. The right coach can help you come to a deeper understanding about the relationship and yourselves, move past the painful events, and ultimately find love again – either with each other or new partners.

Unhealthy Relationships: How to Break the Cycle and Create More Fulfilling Partnerships

If all you’ve ever known are disastrous, unhealthy, and draining relationships, creating a healthy partnership can feel impossible – but it’s not. No matter how long you’ve been caught in a cycle of short-term, tumultuous, or co-dependent “love,” you can break through and establish a deep and fulfilling partnership with someone worthy of you- you just need the right tools and support.

So, how do you know if you’re caught in a cycle of unhealthy relationships? Start by answering the following questions honestly:

–    Do you give more than you receive in relationships?

–    Do you believe you’re addicted to the rush of short-term love?

–    Are you able to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy partnerships?

–    Do you know that you exhibit unhealthy relationship behaviors, but you don’t know how to stop?

–    Do you focus all of your attention on your partners in exchange for closeness and recognition?

–    Are you always available to help others, but never receive the same level of attention and care?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, there’s a very strong chance that you’re stuck in a cycle of unhealthy relationships – something that often occurs due to traumatic childhood experiences. Many individuals who struggle with unhealthy relationships as adults experienced abandonment during their formative years. For example, rather than receiving love, empathy, and respect from your parents, you felt criticized and dismissed. Your emotional needs were unmet, so you felt deserted by the very people who were supposed to protect you. Or, perhaps your parents struggled with drugs and alcohol, couldn’t support you financially, or were physically absent from your life. In all of these cases, you would experience a very real abandonment that can take years to recover from.

Unfortunately, these childhood experiences will continue to affect you as an adult until they are adequately dealt with. For example, trauma during the formative years causes many people to become afraid of intimacy. This might look like enjoying a brief honeymoon period with a new love, before becoming attracted to someone else as a way to avoid getting too close to anyone. Some individuals marry people who are secretly gay because this creates distance which makes them feel safe. Others end up in partnerships that are plagued by conflict, addiction, infidelity, and abuse – all of which feel like abandonment and perpetuate the cycle that was learned in childhood.

 

But there is good news. No matter how traumatic your childhood was, you can be coached into a healthier relationship cycle as an adult. You’ll just need to learn how to:

 

–    Have difficult conversations about vulnerability, shame, and fear

–    Be responsible for your own thoughts, feelings, and happiness

–    Embrace your feelings and share them with another person

–    Prioritize self-care and create space to just be you

–    Accept that you are not your past experiences

–    Give the people you love their own space

–    Maintain a positive perspective

–    Believe in and love yourself

 

These changes may sound scary after a lifetime of emotional distance, but taking the leap will be worth it in the long run. And once you’ve put in the work and moved into a healthier space both emotionally and mentally, attracting and maintaining an ideal relationship that meets your needs will be much easier.

When my soul is crying, my heart is crying and my life as a mother feels like it’s slipping away from me…in walks Ilsa.  Like a Jedi knight, she’s magic.  She gives me the tools on how to handle the crisis, trauma, grief and stress that I endure when my daughter is away from me.  She gives me back my humanity every session and again I feel the light ahead.  It’s a process and because of Ilsa, I am able to be human, feel my feelings and continue as the strong, loving, nurturing mom that I am.

 

Brook Altman, Director/Producer

As Ilsa’s lawyer late in the game, I wished I had met her earlier in the process, before she was bankrupted and played by the forces at work in the legal world: Who we respectfully refer to as the “matrimonial mafia.”   I was, and remain, so impressed by the manner in which she persevered for herself, but more importantly, her children.   Anyone about to go into Court can benefit from the lessons she has learned from her blood, sweat, tears, and, not to mention, her dollars …  If you don’t want to be a victim, Ilsa can help guide you through this ugly process.

 

Thomas D. Shanahan, P.C.

Ilsa Kaye Coaching, certified life coach, practical & emotional support during times of transition: Ilsa  helped me shift my work, life and family balance, so I  could create more freedom to pursue the things that mattered to me.

Dr. Iffhat Hoskins, M.D.